Okay
by Kavi Leighanna
Summary: Situations put Lily's hatred and resistance on trial.
1. Human

Okay

**Human**

Lily Evans was about to drive herself batty and the sole reason was currently sitting beside her doing nothing but trying. Charms just really wasn't the poor boy's thing, but Lily had been sentenced by McGonagall to help her peer raise is charms mark. She made a mental note to make sure she understood who she was helping from now on.

"Potter, no, you're doing it wrong."

James Potter sighed, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. He'd originally been excited about this deal. He got to work with Lily Evans, the girl who he'd been crushing on for his six years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But he'd also made a deal with his Head of House to bring his charm mark up or he'd be off the quidditch team.

The fact that he needed charms as an auror was sitting in the back of his mind too.

"How am I doing it wrong?"

Lily started racking her brain, trying to come up with a way to make charms and the intricate wand waving involved make sense to a jock like James Potter. How on earth did she teach a womanizing jock about the correct wrist movement for charms. Potter understood women and understood quidditch. He was smart, she knew that. Even as Head Girl and someone who was always generally annoyed by the pranks he and his friends pulled, she had to admit that most of them were highly intelligent pranks.

That was it!

"Charms is a delicate subject. It's like a good prank that involves a whole bunch of intricacies and obstacles. You know you have to get the order of the spells completely correct or the prank could end up killing someone instead of coming off as humorous," she began to explain. "And there's a ton of charms that are useful in pranks."

He looked skeptical.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Think about it. _Wingardium_ _leviosa_, the first charm you learn in first year, is one that you guys use all the time. Think of the pranks you'd be able to come up with if you could concentrate and listen."

When she glanced at him she could tell he was now seriously concentrating on what she was saying. A thrill ran up her spine at the intense look on his face.

"There are charms we can use as pranks?"

"Definitely," Lily said with a blinding smile. "Pie-in-the-face charms, banana-peel charms… the stuff from _Zonko's_ is all done by charms and some transfiguration."

"Teach me."

"We're going to have to start at the bottom and work our way up," she warned him. "I'm not going to start right off with the good stuff."

"Teach me."

With his new found focus, Lily found two things occurring simultaneously as she continued her tutoring session. His intense focus was attracting and Lily – though she hated him, she kept telling herself – found herself wondering what that focus would be like if it was turned on her.

More than that, she was surprised that he wasn't the perfect Potter that she'd seen on the outside, that she saw walking through school, that had women hanging off of him every day and when broke up with them still had them hanging off of him the next day. This was where she saw his frustration at not doing something right and his glee when he finally got the charm to work the three time she required before they moved on.

Suddenly, he was partially human and just another struggling student she had to teach. A student that was, surprisingly, succeeding and succeeding fast. It gave her the usual thrill up her spine when one of her "tutees" was doing well.

Before she knew it, it was bordering midnight on a Wednesday and not only had they both missed their patrols, but they both had class tomorrow. They had laughed throughout the night, something that surprised Lily a little bit, and most importantly, he hadn't asked her out. It had been the status quo and he had not done it though the last four hours they'd been sitting in the library.

"How did you know that?"

Lily looked up in surprise at the question, blushing a light pink. "I… I heard it somewhere." She should have known he'd ask about how she knew some of the most intricate offensive charms that she knew he would find useful for his mischief.

James raised an eyebrow. "You heard it?"

Lily grinned as she started packing up her books. "A girl's got to keep some mystery Potter," she sassed as she hoisted her books into her arms. She was a few steps away when he called her back.

"Hey Evans?"

She turned to face him, adjusting her bag on her shoulder, a curious look on her face.

"Go out with me?"

He expected her to hit him, to throw a hex at him, for her face to fall in disappointment. He knew it was a gamble, asking such an over-asked question, but he thought he'd ask anyway and if he got hexed, he would learn his lesson.

Instead, she smiled and shook her head.

"No, James."

But it didn't matter. Because she'd called him James.


	2. Capable

Okay

Capable

With all of the stress Lily had been under, it came as a complete surprise to her that the dance would go off without a hitch. In fact, even the problems from the students as a whole were minimal and taken care of swiftly and efficiently. In all honestly, Lily was floored.

More importantly, she was impressed.

James had picked up all of the slack she'd left behind with her studies and it had seemed like he was more than happy to. All of a sudden, James' constant errands, constant visitors, made sense and the world had righted itself again. He'd worked hard to pull this off without a hitch.

She was sitting, contenting herself with watching all of the other students enjoy the break from school when she felt a body drop down beside her. She didn't have to turn her head to know he was there. Lately, she'd been much more aware of James' proximity and of where James was in relation to her.

"I'm impressed," she said, not turning her head.

James grinned. This had been his baby when he knew Lily's mind was not on the event. He was known, along with the Marauders, for their parties. It would have been a shame for such an event to come up and bomb simply because the greatest party planners in Hogwarts decided against putting their skills to use simply because it was a school-planned event.

The fact that Lily was impressed by it made his ego inflate that little bit more.

"It's what I do," James responded easily, pretending to shrug it off, even as his heart swelled. He was surprised to get a chuckle out of her.

"I hadn't thought about that," she said, her shoulders shaking slightly in laughter.

James shrugged. "You've been looking a little frazzled for the last little while," he said, voice solemn. "It wads something I thought I could do to relieve some of the stress."

Lily blinked. That was something actually nice and at least partially selfless. This was not the James Potter she knew at all. "Thank you."

"Sure. It was the least I could do with all of the stuff you do along with your studies." Then he stood and offered his hand. "Now come dance with me, I haven't seen you dancing much at all and this is a night for relaxation."

Lily smiled but shook her head. "I don't think so," she contradicted.

"I'm not taking no for an answer, Lily. Come on."

She had to admit it was the 'Lily' that got her. She was so used to him simply calling her 'Evans'. The way her name rolled off of his tongue certainly didn't keep her knees or resolve as strong as she would like. And that would be the excuse she gave herself for why her hand found it's way into his and he pulled her to her feet.

James was more than thrilled. He'd never in a million years ever dreamed of Lily dancing with him. But he wasn't blind either. He'd noticed their relationship changing since they'd begun the tutoring sessions, felt them shift from enemies to at least colleagues. Now, holding her in his arms like he was, he mentally upgraded their status to friends.

Lily hadn't expected herself to fit so snugly in James' arms like she did. Nor did she expect James to be as warm as he was. In all honesty, she expected being held by James to be odd and awkward. But it wasn't like that at all. Instead, she was comfortable, comfortable with him and comfortable with the situation. Interestingly enough, that in herself made her feel uncomfortable.

James was her colleague. James was the arrogant jerk that harassed students just because he could. He was the guy that pulled pranks on little first years to see the terrified look on their faces. Granted, he hadn't been doing that as much lately, and Lily was willing to admit that to herself. At the same time, it was difficult for her to equate the man who was currently holding her, making her feel warm and safe, with the jackass that enjoyed picking on those smaller and weaker than him.

"So you're impressed, but you haven't given me your honest opinion," James said, interrupting her thoughts.

She looked up at him – he was at least a head taller than she was – with a small smile. "Impressed wasn't good enough for you?"

He chuckled. "Not even close, Evans."

_Back to Evans_, her mind chided. "For a boy, you've done a good job."

"Winter wonderland isn't that hard to come up with," he responded. "And I had a whole lot of help."

Lily's mind immediately flashed back to James' harem of women. "Excellent point."

James almost groaned at his own stupidity. "That's not what I meant, Lily. I did have a lot of help to put this all together. The prefects broke off into committees and they did most of it. I was just the supervisor."

Lily gave him a small smile, slipping only slightly out of his arms to give herself a little bit of space. "You don't have to justify it to me," she pointed out. "This was your thing."

James decided against arguing with her. "And what do you think of 'my thing'?"

"I think you've blown my mind. This is incredible and you've done a fantastic job."

James beamed. "I'm glad you like it."

"I don't think I could have done this. I would never have thought of doing anything like this, nor would I have divided the prefects into committees or asked for volunteers."

James knew it was a lot for Lily to admit something like that and took that in stride. "They were efficient," he agreed.

"But you did most of the work."

He looked down at her surprised. "I did very little of the work," he responded.

Lily watched his hazel eyes, worried at the slightly hurt tone in his voice. They were honest and sincere and Lily felt a little bad about her insinuation. "As a supervisor? That's hard work, James."

"Coordination is easy," he replied just loud enough for her to hear.

Lily didn't want to dig herself into a hole but couldn't help teasing him anyway. "Is that modesty I hear, Mr Potter?"

James blinked. Was Lily Evans seriously teasing him? He'd known their relationship was changing, but he wasn't aware they'd reached the teasing stage. Still, a grin started to blossom over his face. "Well, I'm good but I'm not that good, Ms. Evans."

"The Gryffindor gossip says otherwise." Lily had to resist the urge to clap her hand over her mouth, close her eyes, or give into the urge of any other action that would give away her complete embarrassment at what she'd just said.

James simply raised an eyebrow. Then his face fell to a frown, all teasing gone from his hazel eyes. "You really have that little faith in me?"

Lily was a little taken aback. "I…"

James sighed. "I can do this, Lily. I can be Head Boy, I can work hard and get events planned and the whole thing. Why don't you trust me?"

His honesty called for the same on her part. "Because I know you as a bully. I know you as the prankster that picks on the innocent because it's fun. I know you're arrogant and self-centred and I know that if you worked half as hard at your school work as you do quidditch you'd have surpassed my grades."

James was stunned into silence.

"Or," Lily amended. "At least that's what I thought I knew."

A spark of hope lit somewhere in James' chest again. "And now?"

Lily's face was full of curiosity and confusion. "Now, after all of this, after the tutoring sessions and the meetings… Now I'm not so sure I know half as much."

James knew the song was coming to a close and thus, so was his time with Lily in his arms. "Go out with me."

Lily smiled slightly and shook her head. "No, James. Not yet."

And as she slipped out of his arms and walked off, James couldn't help feeling another sense of victory. For with his name came the rare 'not yet' and it was enough to give him courage to try again.


	3. Someday

Okay

**Someday **

"You stupid, thick-headed, dim-witted, arrogant… prat!"

James took a step back from the full force of Lily's temper. It wasn't the first time, by far, it had been directed at him, but he usually had Sirius or Peter around to take some of it.

"You're the Head Boy! I've tolerated your usual little pranks, goodness, I thought you'd done an excellent job of keeping them small! Then you go and do something as blatant as this? What are you thinking?! Oh, wait, you're _not!_"

It wasn't actually over a prank at all, and James knew it. In fact, James knew exactly what she was going on about. "It was just a bit of fun."

"Bit of fun? Did you ever stop to consider that your 'bit of fun' was hurting someone?"

James blinked. It had been harmless and normal, using magic to turn Severus Snape on his head. Then all they'd done was their boring usual dumping water on him. Sirius had added a soap and brush spell, but it had been harmless. "No one got hurt."

"Physically!" Lily exploded. "But that's the thing, Potter. You've never thought of someone else's emotions before. They don't get hurt, do they? All that matters is that no one gets physically injured and you have your 'bit of fun'."

He really didn't like the sarcastic emphasis she was putting on the 'bit of fun'. "Look, Lily-"

"Don't you dare 'Lily' me," she growled. She let out an exasperated breath, and James was surprised to find tears springing to her eyes. "You know, I was actually starting to think you weren't the arrogant bastard you've been for six years. I was starting to get along with you, starting to enjoy your company and even starting to enjoy your little pranks. But I can see I was wrong."

This was not good. Not good at all. He'd been making progress, even he'd known it. "Why does this bother you so much?"

"If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."

James resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the childish response. "Humour me."

Lily raised a sarcastic eyebrow, but conceded. "There are many types of people in this world," she began slowly, as if she was about to teach a lesson to a first year about the right way to wave their wand. "There are arrogant prats like Sirius Black, calm mediators like Remus, smart know-it-alls like me… and then there's people who are weaker, not necessarily because they haven't had the training, but sometimes because they're given a certain label."

James looked at her in confusion. This was all psychobabble to him.

Lily sighed in exasperation. "Look, you're smart, you're strong, you're popular, and with those designations comes a certain amount of responsibility. Add Head Boy to that, and there are guidelines of conduct that follow. Being a bully is not in our Head Student contract."

A bully? What had she been eating? He'd have to check with the house elves to make sure they weren't sneaking odd things into dinner. "Bully?"

"That's what you were today," Lily answered with sad conviction in her voice. She sat down on the couch, her anger deflated for the time being. "I could have turned this down, you know."

"You? Turn down the Head Girl position? And I'm signing up with Voldemort tomorrow." He was impressed that she didn't flinch at the name.

"I didn't want to work with you. I dealt with you enough on a day-to-day basis with your pranks and your mischief… I didn't want to have to pretend to get along with you. But Dumbledore convinced me."

"He's good at doing that." He paused. "What did he say?"

"That he saw potential in you. The Head position isn't just for students that have demonstrated the abilities and skills necessary for the job, it's also for students who need just that little push to be something better than they were."

What?

"He knew that you could do this, knew that you'd make a fantastic Head Boy and you were. You stepped up to the responsibility and you stepped up to the challenge. I was surprised, quite frankly, at such a drastic change. You were helpful to the first years of all but Slytherin – no surprise there, but then, it would be hypocritical of me to criticize – you weren't harassing half as many people with pranks and jokes… And you'd worked hard at learning charms with me."

James blinked. He hadn't realized she'd been paying that much attention.

She met his eyes. "Define a bully," she requested softly.

He sighed as he sat down at the other end of the couch. "Why?"

"Do it."

"Someone who picks on other people for the fun of it."

"Close. Someone who picks on people they think are weaker than them for the fun of it and for their own perverse pleasure." It wasn't the Oxford definition, but it would do.

"Know-it-all." That, at least, got a small smile from her.

"That was you. You had fun from torturing Snape. You were looking from attention in Snape's suffering. You didn't once think that he was smaller, skinnier or minding his own business."

"He's a Slytherin!"

"So?"

The softness of her tone caught his attention. It was phrased as an innocent question and it gave him pause. "So, he lives and breathes the dark arts."

"You know this for a fact?"

"He's an arrogant, pure blood that wants muggle borns like you dead."

The strength of the conviction in his voice surprised her. "He's not, you know. He's not a pure blood. He's not arrogant. But you wouldn't know that because you're too busy picking on him."

"How do you know?"

"It doesn't matter," she said with a dismissive wave. "With the rise of Voldemort, everyone knows somewhere something is going to have to give. There's got to be some sort of tip in the scale to give one side more power than the other."

"Strength," he said immediately. "Power."

Lily shook her head. "No."

"That's what matters in this," he told her straight out. "Which side has more strength. Which side has the stronger witches and wizards. Which side has more power."

"Which side has more tolerance."

James blinked. He'd seen many sides to Lily, more so since they'd been living together, but this philosophical, politically sound Lily was one he had yet to see. Her grasp of wizarding politics surprised him, her understanding even more so.

"It's not going to come down to which side is stronger. Strength can only get a person so far before it won't help any more. Voldemort rules on fear, he eats it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sure, he's strong, that's why he's got followers, but he isn't the strongest being in the world."

"Dumbledore."

"Well, yes," Lily conceded, "but that wasn't exactly what I was getting at."

"All of this from Snivillus," James mumbled to himself.

Lily slapped his arm. Hard.

"Ouch!"

"By picking on Snape you run the risk of teaching others that its okay to do the same thing. You run the risk of breeding bullies in every house at Hogwarts. I can't watch you every moment of the day to see if you're going to do it again, I simply don't have the resources."

"You sure know a lot about the school for a girl without the resources."

She actually chuckled. "A girl's got her secrets."

"Yours continue to surprise me." He felt a thrill up his spine when she actually blushed.

She checked the clock on the wall. "I'm late for a tutoring session in Gryffindor tower," she told him. "Think about it."

He did just that, ignoring his homework and staring into the crackling fire until Lily returned with enough time to drop her things off before they headed off to patrol the hallways. They were silent as they made their way through the dark corridors and James knew he wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention to what was going on around him.

"You're right," he said finally, softly.

Lily chuckled lightly. "Of course I am," she said cheekily, feeling upbeat because of another successful tutoring session. "About what?"

"Bullies, Voldemort… everything."

The redhead cocked her head to the side.

"I was thinking about it," he told her, moving on. "People are strongest when they work together. Sirius, Remus and I know that very well. We play off of each other's strengths and we'd do anything for each other."

"Okay…" Lily said slowly.

"If we breed misunderstanding, bullying… everything else into the younger kids, how are we going to have a way to beat Voldemort? Everyone knows that his followers are playing the game for power and control, but even the strongest Death Eater isn't going to be able to stand up to two or three wizards, no matter their strength."

Lily was virtually glowing. He'd taken her word to heart and understood them.

"I'll try not to pick on people if they haven't provoked me first," he promised softly when they were back in their common room. "But I draw the line at Malfoy. I don't care if he's provoked me or not."

Lily had dealt with enough of Lucius Malfoy's brand of bullying that she could give that to him. On impulse, she bounced up on her toes to kiss James cheek. Then she flushed bright red. "Thank you."

He called out to her just before her door closed, a look in his eyes Lily had never seen before. Still, it made her shiver pleasantly.

"Go out with me."

This time, there was a pause before she replied, chewing her lip in thought. James felt hope flare in his chest. She was actually thinking about it!

Slowly, and looking apologetic, she shook her head. "Not yet, James. Not after today."

"When?"

Lily blinked at him, startled by the question. "I… I don't know," she said honestly.

"But you will? Someday?" He knew he sounded pathetic, but he'd wanted her for so long…

She smiled, a smile that made his stomach twist itself in knots and his heart lodge in his throat.

"Someday."

* * *

**_Closer, closer, closer... but not quite. _**

**_Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I'm sorry it took so long for me to get it up. I had no inspiration. I hope you can still consider these characters in canon. The way I seem to be doing this makes me feel like I'm pushing them more and more out of character. Eeek!_**

_01-15-2008_


	4. Injuries

Okay

**Injury**

Now she remembered why she didn't go to quidditch games.

Her life was stressful enough without the added pressure of going to quidditch games and worrying about someone getting injured. But James had poked, prodded and used every trick in his book to prey on their friendship in just the right way to guilt her into going. So, eventually, he wore her down enough so she agreed to go.

She sat between her friends, Alice and Emmeline, her mind racing, chewing on her nails in anxiousness. Gryffindor and Slytherin had a rivalry, but she'd never seen it manifested on the quidditch pitch. She knew quidditch was a dangerous game, but this was just above what she'd ever imagined or she'd dreamed of anticipating.

And it seemed like she was a bad luck charm. Catherine Matheson, Gryffindor's little wisp of a Seeker, had almost been bowled off of her broom by one of Slytherin's beaters. Their Keeper, Tessa Smith, had been lucky enough to make a spectacular save while avoiding a well-aimed bludger. Chaser Johnathan Morgan's arm had met a bludger hard enough to break his arm and was pulled from the game.

Slytherin hadn't made it out without their own scares, scratches and scars. A beater had a broken nose thanks to a speeding bludger and James had managed to break the Slytherin keeper's finger with a rather violent goal.

But the worst was happening right in front of her eyes. Most of the game was focused on Matheson's diving for the snitch, but meanwhile, James was racing for the goal posts, quaffle in hand. The Slytherin Chasers were converging on Matheson, and yet Lily's gaze was focused on James and the action that was going on above Matheson's head.

As a result, she was one of the few that saw the bludger aimed at James head, and she was one of the few that cried out as the small, deadly ball made contact with the back of James head. It hit hard enough that James actually overbalanced on his broom and went tumbling off, hurtling towards the ground. The crowd's happy shouts quickly turned into gasps of outrage and frustration as they watched their famous Chaser fall.

And Lily was among them.

Dumbledore managed to catch him as he fell, setting him down on the ground lightly. The crowd swarmed the edge of the stands watching as the teachers worked to whisk James off. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin followed closely behind.

Lily sat heavily, her eyes unfocused. Emmeline and Alice sat with her, ignoring all of the other fans trickling out of the stands.

"Lily?" Emmeline asked tentatively. Neither girl had expected the redhead to react so violently to Potter's injury. They weren't particularly against the Marauders – Emmeline had been denying an attraction to Sirius Black for years – but generally kept away from discussing them.

"Lily?" Alice repeated, hoping to get the redhead's attention.

Lily's shoulders raised and lowered in a deep breath before her head came up. "I hate quidditch."

Emmeline actually chuckled. "Why?"

"It's violent," Lily shivered as she pushed herself to stand.

"Why does it matter?" Alice asked. "Catherine didn't fall, Tessa wasn't hit by the bludger and she made the save. And you don't even like James."

Silence reigned and Lily felt embarrassment and guilt bloom red across her cheeks.

Emmeline gasped. "You've been holding out on us!"

Alice cocked her head, considering Lily. "Not really."

"Not really?" Lily asked nervously, her eyes finding Alice's. "What are you talking about?"

Alice shrugged. "Really, this kind of thing has been a long time coming."

Lily's mind was racing, already concerned with her reaction to begin with. Why had she been so upset about James' injury? Why was she worried now? This was not the first time James had been injured by far and all of the other ones she'd been able to shrug off without issue, yet here she was, sitting in the stands, worrying her bottom lip, and terribly, horribly confused.

She looked up at Alice. "What kind of thing?"

"You can't tell me you haven't been feeling it, Lil. We've noticed, students have noticed, teachers have noticed. You and James don't fight as much. You bicker, you argue, sure, but really, it's become more cute than anything else," Alice explained.

"Is it so wrong that James and I are friends?" Lily asked, irritation blatant in her voice.

"Not at all," Alice contradicted. "And that's not the point that I'm making."

Lily folded her arms across her chest, hugging herself. "What is the point then?"

"You're not stupid, Lil," Emmeline said, catching onto where Alice was going. "You know James is practically in love with you. He's made it very obvious."

Lily looked away.

"And you wouldn't be wrestling with yourself so much if you weren't thinking the same thing," Alice said softly.

"I'm not in love with him," Lily snapped.

Alice nodded. "No, no you're not. But you don't hate him. You might even fancy him."

Lily turned away, looking down on the pitch to the spot she'd seen James fall. She didn't fancy him, did she? She couldn't. They'd been enemies and he still drove her crazy most of the time. They fought all the time, they had completely different lifestyles. Heck, she'd given him more detentions than she could count, and that was only over the course of two years!

"I can't fancy him," she said. "I can't."

---------------------------------

Lily stepped quietly into the Hospital Wing long after nightfall. It was weird to do her patrols by herself. She was used to James' stupid comments, little things that made her laugh. She hadn't realized it until that night, her mind fixated on the young man lying in the infirmary and her hackles up. She'd never realized how safe she felt when James was walking beside her.

Her green eyes scanned the room, identifying the messy black head half way down the room. She walked slowly, quietly, hoping not to wake either James or Madam Pomfrey. She stood by his bed, just looking down at him, her hand itching to brush his bangs away from his face. It was a curse, that messy hair.

But it was still very James.

She felt a small soft smile blossom over her face stopping her hand on the edge of the bed. Then she closed her eyes, rolling them under her eyelids. "Why am I here?" she whispered, more to herself than to him. But it was a comfortable feeling.

"Why does this matter to me? Why did I have to come here? Why did I freak out? We're not really friends, definitely not close enough for me to be so…. Worried."

James didn't move, still unconscious. Lily found her hand gravitating towards the one he had resting beside him.

"This doesn't make sense," she said softly. "Alice says I fancy you, but I can't, can I? We've been enemies so long it doesn't make sense. We _just_ became friends."

By this point her hand had wormed its way to his, her fingers brushing his. Lily pulled in air, the sound ragged in the back of her throat.

"I don't know what's happening anymore," she said, surprisingly at ease with talking to an unconscious ex-enemy. "You know I was actually a little scared walking through the halls without you? And to think, a few months ago I hated patrolling with you. I guess that's how I ended up here. Well, it had better be, because I sure can't find another reason." She chuckled to herself, self-deprecation harsh in the sound.

Her fingers wound around his, her eyes staying fixed on their entwined hands so as to not focus on exactly who she was spilling her heart to. She stayed quiet, trying to gather her thoughts. It was then that his hand squeezed around her own and her eyes darted up to his.

"Hey," he said, voice groggy and scratchy.

"Hi," she whispered back.

James swallowed, trying to get some moisture into his throat. "What are you doing here?" Then he looked around. "What am I doing here?"

"Um…" Lily began. "Do you… Do you remember falling..."

"Off my broom. Quidditch," he remembered nodding only slightly. "You were there."

Lily smiled to herself. Pomfrey had to have put him on something so he wouldn't feel the pain of the bludger's impact. "I was," she agreed softly.

"Because I asked."

"That was part of it."

Silence fell until Lily broke it with a sigh, avoiding James' eyes. "I should get to bed."

James' hand grasped at his. "Go out with me."

Lily blinked. Had he heard everything she'd said? Is that why he was asking now, out of the blue? He hadn't asked since their last fight in the Heads' common room. She shook herself inwardly. It was whatever potions he was on. They lowered his inhibitions, that had to be it. It had nothing to do with what she said.

It didn't stop the sharp shiver that drilled down her spine at the knowledge that he still wanted her.

_What is wrong with me?_ She asked herself scathingly. However, she bestowed a small smile upon James. "No. Get better soon."

She was gone before he could try to convince her otherwise.

* * *

**_I don't think it's my best work, but they always say you're your own toughest critic. Let me know if I'm wrong. _**

**_I apologize for the HUGE delay in updating too. Everything that got pushed to the front earlier... Well, long story short I've got hell coming to haunt me. We're getting closer now though, closer and closer and closer... _**


	5. Correspondence

Okay

**Correspondence**

Christmas was Lily's favourite time of year. It meant gorgeous snow, briskly cold days, but most importantly, it meant going home. Lily loved Hogwarts, but she missed her parents terribly. Her mind paid less and less attention to the classes she had as the days before the Christmas Holidays fell away and if it had been something different from any other year, her professors would probably have gotten worried. But it was normal, and as such, there was little worry when a professor had to repeat a question for her.

She was glad that professors didn't bother to assign homework due the last week before the holidays, even for the seventh years and the stress of NEWTs. It gave her time to watch the snow fall gently to the ground, time for her, Alice and Emmeline to head out and play in the snow like small children. 

It also gave James the uninterrupted time to just watch her. It wasn't the stalker kind of watch that he was often ribbed about, but a contemplative one, especially recently. He hadn't heard her every word in the Hospital Wing, but he'd heard enough for hope to spring in his chest. Maybe she was coming around to the idea of dating him. Nevertheless, he'd take his time. He wasn't going to risk upsetting her obviously churning mind because he had hope.

Lily sighed as she watched the snow fall gently. Her parents had sent her a letter not two days before notifying her that Petunia would be at her boyfriend's house for the holidays. It was a blessing and a curse really, for Petunia _hated_ what Lily had become. Not that Lily really blamed her. The sisters picked a fight with each other almost every time they were in the same place at the same time. Lily was glad there was a chance for her parents to have a calm Christmas, even if it was without Petunia.

She felt more than heard James come up behind her.

"You've been staring out there for hours," he said, a hint of teasing in his voice. 

Lily smiled. Things had continued to shift between them and his close proximity was nothing new anymore. "The snow is beautiful."

James could only chuckle. Sharing a dorm with the redhead had brought out a number of her quirks he hadn't known about. Like her obsession with snow. "It's just frozen water."

The back of her hand made contact with his abs. "That's too simplistic. Water makes things dirty because it soaks things," she said, the pout obvious in her voice.

"And so will the snow when it melts come spring," James replied logically. 

Lily sighed. "Can't I enjoy my snow in peace?"

"The train leaves in 45 minutes."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "And I bet you're not even packed."

"And you are?" Procrastination was his middle name, a middle name he still took pride in.

"Of course I am. Everything I need for Christmas is all sealed in my trunk. I've been packed for hours."

James shook his head. "Then what are you doing in here? If you love the snow so much, why aren't you out there in it?"

"Because my friends procrastinate just like you. But maybe I can speed them up a bit."

James watched her leave, shaking his head in amusement. Lily Evans was a predictable enigma and had been since that day in the Hospital Wing. She treated him differently, even more so than she did when they began the year. It was that friendship - dare he call it that - that gave him the hope of eventually something more. But from the sounds of it, he still had to bide his time, still had to wait for her to come to him. 

_Maybe after Christmas._

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Lily enjoyed home. Being away for four straight months gave her a completely new perspective on her life with her family and everything she loved and valued most in the world. It was important to her to get these two weeks with her parents. Usually it was two weeks with no contact with the wizarding world. She kept it that way for her parents, to ensure that they didn't get any unwelcome surprises. 

But when James' owl swooped through her bedroom window depositing a piece of parchment on her desk, she knew she couldn't fault the boy for it. He didn't know. Her mind almost immediately moved on to analyzing the parchment. It couldn't be Head business, she reasoned, because it was the holidays. And if he was asking her out again…

But the letter was simple.

_Lily,_

_I thought I'd write to see how your holidays were going. Good, I hope, and peaceful. I overheard Emmeline saying your sister wasn't going to be around. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope everything is okay. _

_James_

Lily had to read the letter over three times to fully comprehend that there was nothing particularly flirty or rude in the letter. On the other hand, it was short, concise and friendly.

So Lily picked up a pen and started with her own.

--------------------------------------------------

James sighed as he looked over the snowy grounds of Potter Manor. He was bored. It was no surprise, since Sirius was passed out, never to be woken - a natural place for him to be - and Remus and Peter were busy doing "family things". 

Really, he was anxious. He'd debated sending a letter to Lily for the better part of the first three days of the holidays. Then Sirius had told him to write the letter or he'd lock him out of the house. And since both boys were prank masters in seventh year, it wouldn't have come to a surprise if Sirius really could. But he had no idea how Lily - or if Lily, for that matter - would respond. 

He knew he hadn't given her much time. Nevertheless, it was not news that James Potter was impatient. All he wanted was _something_ he didn't particularly care if it was a hateful letter or a Howler, just so long as something acknowledged that she'd gotten it in the first place.

He sighed, moving away from the window and pacing the length of the living room for what felt like the hundredth time. His mother sighed from the couch, putting down the book she was reading to regard him through thin-rimmed glasses. "James Potter, what on earth has gotten into you?"

"I'm sorry, Mum," James answered. "I'm a little impatient."

Katherine Potter snorted. "Sweetheart you came out impatient. Three weeks early, in fact. What's making you impatient. I'm sure you can think up some way to get Sirius up."

"It's not Sirius."

"Then what is it? You're going to drive me batty if you keep pacing."

James sighed again, plopping down beside her. "I sent this girl a letter."

That caught his mother's attention. James was rarely worried about his place with girls. "And?"

"That's the problem."

Katherine nodded. "I see."

"What am I supposed to do?" James groaned. 

"Do about what?"

Katherine smiled at her husband. "Harold, dear, I think James is in love."

"Well, my boy, this is good news! Katie, can you believe it?"

"Stop, Harold, you're embarrassing him."

James felt his cheeks heat. "I never said I was in love."

"This is the first issue you've had, James. Of course you are," his mother replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. 

James dropped his head in his hands, snapping it up at the tap on the window. He wasn't sure if he was excited to see the mail or absolutely terrified. Since neither of his parents moved to let the owl in, James did, more than willingly. He recognized Lily's neat writing as the owl dropped the letter into his hands. Before he knew it, he was ripping it open, throwing the envelope to the floor.

_James,_

_Your letter was a surprise. Not an unpleasant one. In fact, I'm not really sure what it was. _

_You're right, my holidays have been peaceful. Quiet, non-magical. It has always been a good break from school. _

_How about yours?_

_Lily_

James grinned at the letter. She'd written back and though she hadn't sounded necessarily ecstatic about receiving his letter, she didn't sound all that depressed either. And she had asked him how his own holidays were going. 

"Mum, Dad, I need to go write a letter."

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**Christmas Eve**

Lily was shocked when the next owl came carrying with him a small package. She and James had struck up a correspondence over the course of the holidays and Lily had found that their letters had grown longer and longer as the days went on. They'd been out of school for seven days and had better conversations over those four days than they'd probably ever had face-to-face. 

The gift was still a surprise. 

_Lily,_

_I've had this for you for ages and no, you're not allowed to give it back or argue. It's yours, and I promise there's no conditions attached. Happy Christmas._

_James_

Lily unwrapped the little package slowly, gasping upon opening the velvet box to find a beautiful lily necklace. Almost immediately she prepared to wrap it all back up and return it to him. Then she remembered the books in her room, books she'd picked up in Hogsmede the last time they were there. If she had been honest with herself at the time, she would have easily admitted she'd gotten them with James in mind. 

Her heart flipped. Why was he doing this? He had to know she'd be apprehensive about taking the necklace, and yet he sent it anyway. The letter was unassuming, but the fact that they'd had many more throughout the span of the holidays spoke to their growing relationship. And she'd been looking forward to each any every one of them. In fact, she'd been down right antsy the last couple of times. 

Then it hit her. She missed him. She actually missed arrogant, frustrating, drop-dead gorgeous James Potter. James Potter with the annoying habit of running his hand through his already messy hair. James Potter, who could probably name on one hand the girls in fifth year and above he hadn't snogged. And yet, Lily missed him. Terribly.

And she had no idea what to do.

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**Christmas Day**

James grinned at the owl that came flying through the window, a grin that was wiped off his face when the package the owl was carrying almost decked him. Instead, the package ended up in the middle of the already paper-strewn living room. Sirius, his mother and his father all looked at it in curiosity. 

"Looks like its from Evans."

James almost pounced on it at Sirius' words, managing to find the letter attached before Sirius did.

_James,_

_I almost sent the necklace back. It's gorgeous and above anything I could have ever thought of giving you. These will have to do. I hope you can make use of them._

_Happy Christmas_

_Lily_

James tore open the paper to find a leather bound book. The bottom right had corner had J. Potter embossed in gold lettering and as James flipped through it, he realized it was a book to record all of his quidditch plays in. 

The other book was almost more precious. To most, it wouldn't be anything special, but to James, it was a collectors item. Plays through the Ages was almost like a sequel to Quidditch Through the Ages, but it depicted the most famous plays of the top teams in the league.

James was grinning. Both gifts were remarkably thought out. Sure, it was no surprise he loved quidditch, but there were a million different pieces of equipment she could have given him, or magazines and popular books about the sport. Both books, however, screamed Lily Evans in their usefulness and practicality. 

And the flame of hope flared that little bit more.

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**First Day Back - Kings Cross Station**

James was not surprised to find Lily seated comfortably in the Heads' compartment at the front of the train, a book propped in her lap. What did surprise him, was the way she continued to sit calmly when he plopped down beside her so their sides were touching. Instead, she closed her book deliberately.

"Hello James."

"Happy New Year, Lily," James answered with a huge grin. "Those books were thoughtful." If his grin could get wider he was sure it would when she blushed prettily. 

Lily felt her hand stray up to the necklace, a piece of jewellery she hadn't taken off since Christmas morning. She couldn't put her finger onto why, but decided it wasn't worth analyzing until later. "I'm glad. Will they be useful?"

James laughed. "Of course they will." He had to do a double take when he realized she was wearing the necklace he'd given her. "You liked your gift?"

She smiled self consciously. "Part of me still feel s like I should take it off and give it back to you."

"It's yours," he reiterated. "I wouldn't take it back even if you tried."

Lily sighed. "I figured as much."

They were close, almost closer than they'd ever been and neither of them seemed to be willing to be the first to move away. James could feel the usual tug he felt when around her, the need to touch her, to kiss her. He felt himself moving closer before his brain fully registered what he was doing. 

She knew what was happening, knew what was going to happen, and really wasn't sure that she didn't want it. She let him keep moving, hovering over her, mouth so close to hers. She could feel his arm vibrating from where it was supporting his weight. 

"Prongs!"

Lily jumped away so fast she was sure she was lucky she hadn't toppled over. She looked to James, heat warming her cheeks when she realized he looked upset at the interruption. What was she doing? It wasn't like a quidditch injury and a couple of letters, not to mention a gorgeous necklace, could completely change her mind!

Why didn't she want to date him again?

"Sorry Prongs, I wasn't aware you were… busy."

James glared at Sirius. "I'll be down in a minute. Our meeting starts as soon as the train starts moving."

Sirius shot him a wink as he turned and left. James ran his hand through his hair in exasperation. "Sorry 'bout him."

Lily nodded, twisting her hands in front of her. "Sure."

"Lily…"

"Don't. Please don't. I can't… I don't… I have no idea what is going on with me. I mean, I hate you, don't I?"

"I think your letters proved you don't," James pointed out logically.

"I can't… This is… I need time."

"Go out with me, Lily. One date. See where it goes." He was walking closer to her, invading her personal space, backing her up against the wall. 

"James, really. I need-"

The kiss that cut her off was gentle, not much more than a simple brush of lips, but it froze Lily where she stood. Sure, she'd been kissed before, and she'd kissed back, but she'd never had the paralyzing shock that rocked her system when James kissed her. 

"Go out with me, Lily."

His gaze was genuine and serious, no trace of a joke, a prank or anything other than a true want to try it. And she had to admit, her heart was screaming the same thing. Her mind cleared, her answer ready. For the first time when he asked the question, Lily Evans nodded.

"Okay."

* * *

**_Ladies and gentlemen, this is done as it stands. In fact, tis done in general! My goal was to make the very last line the same as the chapter title. Thus, there will be no more written on this story. I was going to do another chapter, but I like where this ends off and then it gives them a good 6 months at school to build their relationship before they graduate and head their separate ways. _**

**_Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed every chapter. This was fun to write and it's always great to get responses from people. I'm glad you guys have enjoyed at least some of it._**

**_Thanks! _**


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